


Dave: Get Paired Up With The Weird Troll

by MelodramaticMrTails



Series: Karkat: Continue Not to Talk Forever [1]
Category: Homestuck
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Bullying, First Time, M/M, Mute Karkat, Oblivious Dave, Oral Sex, Piercings, Red Romance, Sign Language, Tentabulges, Trolls
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-04-10
Updated: 2013-04-12
Packaged: 2017-12-08 01:43:23
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 16,411
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/755535
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MelodramaticMrTails/pseuds/MelodramaticMrTails
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The school science fair is coming up and lucky for Dave, he gets paired up with the weird troll that doesn't talk. Things fall fast, as per Strider style, and weird quickly becomes not so weird. Requested Fic.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. ==> Be oblivious

**Author's Note:**

> Just some side notes; hover over *'s to view what Karkat is saying. [EDIT; now is brackets since some people can't hover. it shouldn't look too clunky, though.] My sentence structure is atrocious, sorry those of you who know sign language. Also sorry for the lack of Pesterchum formatting but it's such a pain to do D:
> 
> Verse wise, both the alphas and beta's co exist. So Dave/alphaDave and Bro/Dirk at different people [though still the same]. Beta and Alpha trolls are brother/sisters with Ancestors as parents. I think that's all specifically? Questions can be directed to my tumblr at themadkingsendshismilk
> 
> Anon requested mute!karkat/dave.

“Rose and Kanaya-”

Well obviously. Pairing up the two smart ones is totally fair to the grading curve of the class. The two girls smile affectionately at each other from across the room.

“John and Tarvos-”

Tarvos is in a week of trouble. He’ll need all the luck in the word, poor fellow.

“Feferi and Eridan-”

Ooh, awkward post-fight project. Hilarious.

“Dave and Karkat-”

Aw shit. Terezi cackles from her seat at the front of the class, laughing so much harder than she really should be. Your name is DAVE STRIDER and you just got paired up with one of the weirdest trolls in school. Which is really fucking saying something. In fact, because all the other trolls are so weird, it just makes him that much weirder. You don’t think you’ve heard the guy speak a single word ever.

God you’re going to fail this project. You’re going to fail it so hard. As the cool kid, you’re kind of thought to not give a shit about grades because school is uncool. That’s not true. School is cool as balls. Okay, that’s a dirty lie even in your own head. The way this school operates is more mental than your fucking sports metaphors, but if you don’t at least make a passing grade your bros will home school you.

You need to have some time away from home. You _have_ to.

Fuck, okay, if this doesn’t go well you’ll just beg Dirk to give to a hand. You really don’t want to do that because he’ll ask for some ridiculous in return and there’s no point in you even trying to guess what it might be. That is you’re very last resort here. You don’t hear the rest of the pairings being called off, too distracted by your own bad luck.

Gamzee’s always paired with Vantas, though. He’s the only one who can get away with being anywhere near Vantas and that’s because he’s too stoned to know any better. Gamzee’s with Equius. Shit. Leaving Nepeta with Jade. As if any of this would help you in the least.

You allow none of this to show on your gorgeous, pierced face. You’re cool. Everything’s cool. It’s not like you’ve ever seen him do anything weird, after all. He just never talks. Ever. Like the teachers don’t even call on him to answer questions or make him read aloud or make him do verbal reports and it’s kind of bullshit. He carries that stupid notebook with him everywhere that he never uses and it’s really annoying.

Everyone’s moving around and you reluctantly have to get up to do the same. You drag a chair around to the opposite side of Vantas’ desk and mount it backwards. He stares at you with the creepy troll eyes. Not the yellow part. You can deal with that part. It’s the grey irises that throw you off. Not that you’re one to talk.

“yo,” you greet him mildly. You’re not going to be a dick to him. You’ve never been a dick to him. He doesn’t reply. He probably expects you to be a dick to him.

“TRY NOT TO C4TCH H1S STUP1D D4V3,” Terezi is so kind enough to howl at you. Mr. Droog does not give two shits. He’s a pretty cool teacher usually, so you offer no complaints. Vantas continues to say nothing like the weird troll he is. If you know anything about trolls, it’s that they do not like other trolls messing with them and yet Vantas never does anything about it ever and that makes him weird. Even Nepeta flipped her lid when Equius quipped at her one too many times.

“so,” you say calmly, brushing your knuckle over the silver horseshoe in your nose. “what do you want to do for our project?” The science fair is always a pain in the ass because it takes several weeks and counts for a large portion of everyone’s grade. You would like to make the best possible grade with the least possible work. Fortunately, there’s really no need to debate it with stupid ‘whatever you want to do’ that you’re sure at least half of the class is trying to pull off.

Vantas points to his open textbook and you crane your head slightly to read it.

“sociology yeah cool on what?” That sounds like something you don’t have to work hard on. He points to your shirt. It’s totally not weird how he’s not talking at all. You glance down at it and the ironic Ghostbusters shirt you had to borrow from John after physical ed.

“on ghostbusters?” That sounds less better. He shakes his head slowly, basically calling you stupid without having to use his mouth. You’re not the stupid one here! All he has to do is open his stupid fucking mouth.

“on movies?” you try again. He nods just as slowly, insulting you with every movement. You hate him. You hate him so much. “cool cool the less work the better” He agrees with a half hearted huff and a chitter that you know most trolls make. You have no idea what it means, but you’re guessing it’s a positive noise of some sort.

“i guess that means we’re going to be spending a lot of time at each other’s houses no offence but i’m not going anywhere near your brother-” He was like the exact opposite of Karkat because he never fucking shut up. “his _voice_ triggers me”

Karkat smirks. Alright, maybe he’s not that bad. You’re just getting a tad frustrated is all. You’ll be nice to him. “my house then? my bros have a shit ton of movies anyways, and dirk won’t bother us”

He nods in agreement. You’re going to love rubbing this in John’s face. You grab at the notebook Karkat is always carting around with him and flip to an open page. It looks like he actually writes in this thing, though you’ve never seen him do so.

TELL YOUR ASSHOLE FRIEND TO KNOCK IT OFF. I DON’T CARE. IF HE DOESN’T STOP I’M GOING TO SMASH HIS FUCKING FACE IN. BULLSHIT. WHERE IS THE MOVIE SECTION? THANK YOU. IS THERE CHERRY?

You have no idea what any of this is. If you had to guess, he probably uses this to talk to Gamzee across the room or something. Gamzee’s probably the only one that’s ever heard him talk. Not that it matters at all. You find a blank page and jot down your pesterchum handle with your red pen. You have a phone, but you honestly can’t think of anyone that actually uses their phone for texting anymore.

“here should probably give me yours,” you suggest, sliding his notebook back to him. He scribbles in the corner with his pencil.

CARCINOGENETICIST.

He rips it off and hands it to you. You guess this will be fun. Your Bro’s movies are sort of crappy but supposedly there’s some serious anarchy subliminal themes in them. Ironic ones, of course. Alright, sometimes you’re not too sure about that because your Bro is kind of crazy? Like not in your face crazy, but there’s definitely some fuck in his brain.

“are you free tonight then?? might as well get started” you mumble. He nods and you nod in return to his nod. You should probably let your brothers know you’ll be needing the television for the next couple weeks. It’s kind of weird how your family is fucking rich and you still only have one tv and share a room with Dirk. Not that you’re complaining. You kind of like the close living even if you can’t get up at night without running the risk of catching your Bro doing something weird in the living room. You don’t think about those things.

Wow this is going to be a long project. As your friends have frequently told you, you’re an awful rambler and if Karkat doesn’t talk well shit. You’re probably going to drive him up the wall. There’s still a good amount of class left and it’s clear neither of you want to really plan any more of this out. You withdraw your phone from your pocket to fiddle with it.

“so you really don’t talk that’s cool i guess i mean your brother talks enough for the both of you anyways” you murmur. He growls at you. You have no idea what part of that made him upset.

“not that i’m comparing you to your brother or anything sorry no i get that fucking hate getting compared to dirk i was just saying is all” This calms him back down and he huffs like he really doesn’t care anything about you. Not that you blame him. You honestly don’t care that much about him, either.

“it’ll probably be helpful if we actually discuss stuff though so we’re not fucking each other up or something fucking each other is still on the table” you say. Karkat stares at you, one eye twitching slightly.

“joking” you promise. He snarls at you. “but seriously dude you can talk to me i mean i’m going to guess your voice is somehow more annoying than kankri’s, or you have a weird accent or something but i won’t tease you for it or anything” That would be uncool. Besides, he’s not as weird up close? You guess he’s not all that weird from a distance either, but hive mind and all that. Karkat pinches the bridge of his nose between his fingers like you’ve said something stupid.

The bell rings before he really gets a chance to do anything more which is obvious his cue for not having to deal with you any longer. He gathers his things up and absconds without any hesitation. Oh yeah, this is the start of a wonderful friendship.

You hoist your bag over your shoulder while you wait for your friends to finish up. Rose leaves with Kanaya, probably to mack on her ‘partner’ however she manages that with those troll fangs going on. Jade leaves with Equius and Nepeta which is weird, but whatever. Fortunately, John returns to your side like a good buddy. You decide this is because Tarvos is dragged off by his somewhat vicious girlfriend. She’s like a fucking spider, man, and you think John is wise to not try to deal with her. You have no idea how he can still be friends with her.  
You don’t concern yourself with it, though.

“so let me guess you’re doing something about pranks??” you joke. John sticks his tongue out at you.

“no! we’re going to do wind currents.”

“that sounds really dumb” you assure him. He shoves you in the arm.

“well we were going to do a hoverboard thing before i remembered your brother already has that mastered for like ten years now and he’d probably threaten death on us if we gave him away to the government.”

“yeah probably”

“what’dya want to grab for lunch, then? i am not eating on campus ever again. fuck after last week? nope,” John complains, pulling on the tail of his stupidly long blue hood. The damn thing makes him look like some kind of half assed superhero and he loves it unironically. You guess it makes him happy though.

“uh” you’re not really paying attention. Gamzee is flirting with Terezi again just outside the kitchen meaning Karkat is all alone. Now, granted, he’s usually alone, but you can quickly see Kurlos and Meulin swooping down on him. You have a moment of empathy.

“hey karkat!” you call. He perks up to you near immediately. You’re not sure if that’s good by any means, but you definitely have his attention. John’s looking at you weirdly. “lunch??”

He nods over enthusiastically, quickly removing himself from impact point to tag along. John’s not entirely pleased. Really, you don’t see what’s so bad about the little nubby horned troll. Besides, they probably both like at least some of the same movies or something. He places his fingers over his mouth and makes a motion like he’s blowing you a kiss['Thanks.'].

“serious i was just joking about the fucking thing” you tell him again. He looks like he wants to hit you. You should probably get used to this. “this is john” you introduce absently. John awkwardly waves at him.

“and karkat, obviously” Karkat offers a half wave back. See, everything’s cool. Plus, no one deserves the awful torture of being between Kurlos and Meulin. Mostly because Kurlos is kind of creepy. Unintentionally, of course, but still. Karkat is probably sick of having to hang with his brother’s friends anyways. You don’t know why he does in the first place. Oh, right, because everyone his own age fucking hates him.

“so lunch?” John reminds you.

“taco bell sounds good right about now” you answer.

“oh yeah! that does sound great actually!”

“you eat tacos, right?” you ask your new little friend. Karkat nods. John rubs the back of his neck like he really doesn't want you talking to the troll. He’ll get over it. John’s like the friendliest person you know. “just gotta find my bro”

This isn’t a difficult task. He’s in the same place he usually is as of a week ago, sitting at an uncomfortable lunch table with his new boyfriend in his lap and equally as uncomfortable friends around him. He’s been nearly inseparable from his new boyfriend ever since they got together.

“yo dirk! keys!” you yell across the yard. He detaches from his intimate soul sucking endeavour long enough to throw the keys across the yard. They soar just inches over Karkat’s horns and he jumps.

“thanks! don’t worry i won’t let dirk hit you or hit on you,” you promise with a smirk. Karkat glares at you, smacking the side of his hand into his palm['Stop.']. Kid's weird as shit.

“come on,” John complains. “some of us don’t have a free period after lunch.”

“yeah yeah let’s go” you agree. Karkat follows the two of you out to your truck. Technically it’s your truck, but you gladly share it with Dirk when he needs it. In return, he lets you borrow his board from time to time. Which is useful for single trips, but cumbersome with more than two people. John hops into the bed immediately. He likes the wind, he says. Karkat hesitates, like he doesn’t trust to be in the back with you driving.

You motion him in. He looks up at you and crosses his wrist over his chests half heartedly['Safe?'].

“there aren’t any seatbelts, but just kind of clip yourself to the side and you’ll be fine i’m a safe driver i promise” An expression comes over John’s face like he just discovered something amazing. You have no idea what that would be, but it is John. Karkat climbs into the bed with him with some trouble. You have to give him a hand by grabbing the back of his shirt. He swats at your hand angrily. You kick the back closed and hop in the driver’s seat.

You open the back window just in time to hear John say ‘really?’ and Karkat reluctantly nod. See, they’d make decent friends. They probably just realised they like the same terrible movies. Because most movies are terrible. This is fact. You can’t really hear their conversation, or rather you can’t hear John, over the sound of your crappy engine, but they’re not hitting each other so you guess everything’s good.

When you arrive, they’ve already made fast friends. You’re kind of jealous of John’s ability to do so. You saw Karkat first! John hops out of the back with ease.

“oh god karkat, you have the most awful taste in movies,” he laughs, but it’s a friendly bard rather than an insult. You know for a fact John’s taste in movies is also awful. Karkat scoffs at him.

“how do you even know that??” you ask pointedly. “did he actually talk to you?”

“oh man no. dave, karkat is-”

Falling on top of you. The troll manages to trip himself up trying to get out the back and tumbles straight toward the asphalt. Of course, you instinctively put yourself in the way to prevent him from fucking up his bucked troll teeth. His face ends up right in your chest. He hasn’t unclipped himself from the truck is why. You do so for him slyly and as soon as he gets his footing, he shoves you away angrily like it’s your fault.

You just grin at him. John’s laughing. That was pretty fucking funny. Karkat’s face lights up bright red. Whoa, what? You thought trolls didn’t have red blood? That’s like basic knowledge of your coexisting species' biology.

“come on,” John whines again, louder this time, and you realise you’ve been staring at Karkat like an idiot. Karkat quickly follows after John into the busy building. You follow after them. The three of you quickly secure a table. You scoot in next to John, leaving Karkat on his own on the opposite side.

“lunch is on me” you inform. “what do you want?”

“tacos.” John deadpans and he thinks he’s hilarious. He’s really not. You ignore him. You know what he’ll eat. Karkat just kind of shrugs in a way you know would mean from other people as ‘whatever’. Maybe he’s never had a taco or something. You leave the table to order some food. There’s a couple other people from school hanging about, but none of them really talk to you. You prefer it this way.

The whole school is probably already shunning you for talking to Karkat. Well, talking at Karkat. You don’t care. Your phone vibrates in your pocket while you’re waiting in line.

gallowsCalibrator [GC] has begun trolling turntechGodhead [TG]  
GC: 1 G3T 1T NOW  
GC: TH1S 1S 1RONY FOR YOU  
GC: TH3 ON3 WHO WON’T T4LK  
GC: 4ND TH3 ON3 WHO WON’T STOP T4LK1NG  
TG: you saying it’s ironic stops it from being ironic  
GC: > :[  
TG: no see i’m just not going to be a dick to him for no reason  
GC: OH PL34S3 D4V3  
GC: NOW YOU W4NT TO M4K3 FR13NDS?  
TG: i gotta work with him for like two weeks  
TG: gonna be spending a lot of time together  
TG: i like to know about the people i plan on macking on

You order food for the three of you, being sure to order something you like for Karkat in case he wants to trade.

GC: GROSS D4V3  
GC: 1 DON’T W4NT TO H34R 4BOUT YOUR W31RD 1RONY F3T1SH  
TG: just go back to your hate flirting  
GC: 1T’S NOT H4T3 FL1RT1NG  
TG: 1ron1c

You shove your phone back in your pocket, ignoring any further message from your buddy. You take the tray back to sit with your friends. Karkat’s making a sign over his nose like he’s mimicking your septum piercing['Who?']. You wonder absently if he was talking about you, but John is much more concerned with eating than he is with continuing whatever conversation they were having.

“here” You hand Karkat a taco. He blows you another kiss['Thank you.']. John already begins scarfing one down while you undo a wrapper and apply a liberal amount of hot sauce to your own.

“if there’s any specific movies you want to watch you should let me know now my bro’s got a massive collection and some sweet hooks” you slightly brag. He’s indifferent. He’ll change his tone when he sees it.

“movies?” John asks.

“for our science fair project”

“aw man! i should have thought of that!”

“don’t be a thief egbert” you tease him, running your tongue absently over your lip. Suddenly Karkat’s staring at you. You would ignore it if it wasn’t so obvious.

“uh is there something on my face??”

Karkat points to his own mouth curiously and you wipe your mouth on your napkin. He shakes his head and this time points to his tongue. Oh. He _is_ curious about your piercings. You stick your tongue out for him to examine closer. It appears to weird him out and you laugh. He touches his forehead with his fingertips and brings them out in a sort of ‘hang loose’ sign['Why?'].

“these are awesome, i’ll have you know you chain ‘em together and it makes for awesome oral sex” you promise. John chokes on his taco and Karkat’s face lights up again. He brings the side of his hand into his palm again['Stop.']. You sense there might be a pattern here somewhere.

“dude!” John yelps. “not while i’m eating.”

“i’m just informing our new troll friend” you answer simply. A lot of people question your choice of getting both the far left and far right side of your tongue pierced. You’re happy to answer. You like the captive bead rings on either side, too. Not particularly for viewing pleasure, but because they feel really nice in your mouth.

“how are you already flirting with him?” John insists like you do this all the time. One, you’re pretty sure you weren’t intentionally flirting with him and b, you rarely flirt because- well- just because. You were not aware Karkat could blush any brighter. He brings a pair of fingers to his mouth and then points to you curiously['Are you?'].

“i’m not flirting with you” you assure him before he can get mad at you again.

“he’s totally flirting with you,” John overrides you immediately. “i had to watch him fall on his face with jade. he’s into you.”

“i wasn’t flirting with jade either john!”

“you so were. don’t even pretend.”

“just because you flirt with the grace of a drunk two legged dog doesn’t mean everyone does”

“flirting~!” John sings. Karkat is not amused by any of this.

“i wonder what vriska would do if you flirted with tarvos i bet she’d want to watch” You manage to make John blush brightly. “you know you’re going to end up doing it by the time this is over”

“aug! stop! i’m not even like that!” he puffs.

“you realise how absolutely useless that is for trolls right?? even if you had gotten with vriska she would have totally dominate you dude”

“la la la la! not talking about this!” John quips loudly at you. Katkat looks like he’s about to yell at the pair of you. The two of them devour another several tacos before claiming themselves finished. You let John drive back leaving you to sit in the back with Karkat. Unlike John, he doesn’t really try to have a conversation with you. You’re okay with this.

“okay. well i’ll see you later, dave. try not to make out with karkat too soon,” John winks enthusiastically at you. This continues to not be funny. He tosses the keys back to you though, grabs his bag from the back, and quickly runs off to make his class. Karkat isn’t in as much of a hurry.

“you have a free period?” Karkat shakes his head. “well you’re probably going to be late if you don’t get going then” He nods. “skipping?” Another nod. “cool”

You hop out of the back and Karkat does the same, only more gracefully this time. He holds his bag to his chest slightly and you figure the two of you are going to part ways now. He doesn’t immediately do this, however, and it doesn’t bother you.

“let me guess physical ed??” you ask and he nods again. You don’t blame him. It’s probably killer on him. The thought actually kind of annoys you now. You honestly don’t see why anyone would pick on him. He’s actually a pretty cool dude. You have to guess that his not talking thing escalated from when he was younger. Due to the differences of growth in trolls and humans, you guys usually attend different schools until a certain age so you can only assume he was this quiet then too. Everyone kind of turned a molehill into a mountain and the sheep theory took over. You feel really bad about it now.

“so” you say. “wanna hang?” Karkat shrugs a little.

“there’s a cool, if not cliche, place out under the bleachers” you suggest. No one goes under there because it’s dark and kind of creepy. Neither of these things bother you and they obviously don’t bother him either because he nods an agreement. It takes a bit of maneuvering to sneak Karkat past Mr. Boxcars, but the two of you manage easily.

You chuck your bag down and flop onto the cool grass. He sits a good distance away from you. You guess you could use this time to do homework or something but no. No. Nah. Instead, you whip out your ds and continue off where you had left naming ridiculous pokemon ridiculous names. It’s actually John’s game, but he hasn’t noticed it missing yet so you’re not inclined to give it back just yet.

“i don’t see why he likes these things so much i mean i guess the retro pixel thing is pretty ironic but this is just mind numbing most the time what even are these things? not that some of them don’t have their own unironic appeal or anything i guess i just don’t get it i think dirk still plays these games once in awhile too he probably plays them with john or roxy i guess man i’m so surprised john isn’t on roxy yet i mean like they’d probably get along really well and it’s not like she hasn’t tried flirting with him before which is just another reminder that i have to be more careful about bringing friends over when dirk has friends over god it’s such a pain in the-”

Karkat places his hand over your mouth. He stares down at you angrily. Whoops. He taps the side of his hand against the back of his hand covering your mouth and waves his finger out from his face['Stop talking.']. You have no idea what he’s trying to do. He makes an ‘okay’ sign with his hand and looks at you questioningly. You assume the answer to this question is yes and nod. He removes his hand from your mouth.

“what do you keep doing with your hands??” you finally ask. Karkat looks at you like you’re stupid. He might actually be right this time. You sit up. he has a ~ATH in his lap that he probably was keeping in his sylladex since there’s no way he was carrying that around with him. He doesn’t reply in any way.

You don’t pay much mind to it, though. He goes back to his book and you talk less. You mumble a little to yourself, but he doesn’t show any signs of hearing, or rather paying attention to, you.

“you’d look swag with shark bites” you comment offhandedly. Karkat arches a brow at you. You put the game down so you can press two fingers to each side of your lower lip. “two on each side through the lip you’d have to ask kanaya what colours would go good on you though”

He punches you pretty hard in the shoulder.

“hey i’m not saying you should i’m just saying if you ever considering going under the needle i know what’s sexy” you assure him. He holds his index and thumb to his forehead then points between his brow['Moron.'].

“hey we have next period together right?? mind if i-?” you ask. He just kind of shrugs because he’s not going to ask for help and you’re not offering it. You’re just- going to sit next to him in all. It’s quiet with Karkat, which is fine. Silence is comfortable.

Your mumbling is not something you control, unfortunately.

“bowl of cheerios gripped up in my left hand, balling like lebron, but i’m less tan, sweating no headband undercover x-man, posers i hex them hear your shit, i treat it like my bitch, onto the next jam just kidding, i treat my bitches with respect talking politics to boys while they’re kissing on my neck”

He obviously minds it significantly less when you rythme. This is nice. The bell eventually rings though, and the two of you are forced to merge into the parting gym class to attend the rest of your classes. Math is significantly less bothersome than most classes, mostly because Mrs. Questant is both nice and actually knows what she’s doing.

Fortunately, the tables are paired up in twos anyways, making it much easier for Karkat not to have to sit next to anyone. You don’t really like sitting at the front and there’s an actual reason for this. The clock is at the front. In every room in this fucking school, there is a clock at the very fucking front of the class.

Yes, in fact, this is a huge problem for you. You’re not fully sure why, but you know that you prefer to be away from them and that’s all you need to stay away from them. Karkat doesn’t mind sitting at the back with you.

Sollux is staring at you weirdly. You usually sit next to him because he doesn’t bother you and you don’t bother him and everything’s cool. You don’t think that’s why he’s staring. He’s staring because it’s Karkat and he’s clearly not okay with his spot being taken of Karkat of all people.

Karkat’s glaring at him. He points at Sollux sharply, holds the ‘hang loose’ sign to his mouth, and points to himself['You wronged me.']. Sollux turns away sharply, deciding to find another seat. Weird.

Class starts and it’s mostly boring today. You’re pretty good at math, though. She teaches the lesson and then lets the class begin the problems in the book. You like her. She doesn’t assign homework. Not that you do homework anyways. You lean against your palm while you scribble out work. Karkat doesn’t seem to be having any trouble, either.

“so why do all the other trolls hate you?” you ask. Karkat glares at you. “well i guess they don’t hate you but they want to avoid you at all costs and there’s definitely some dislike happening”

SHUT UP he writes on a scrap piece of paper.

“is it because you’re a mutant?” This is not a good thing to say. He growls again, but it’s louder this time and he’s showing as many as his teeth as he can. You’re not trying to upset him or anything, you’re just curious. He points twice at the paper, stabbing his pointed finger angrily into the desk.

SHUT UP SHUT UP

“dude you blush like a virgin it’s not that hard to figure out” you explain. He twists his index and middle finger into his palm and points at you['Screw you.']. “i’m just wondering i mean you deal with shit all day from everyone and it all seems really unnecessary you’re not that bad of a guy and i mean none of the main humans really mind you john and jake just kind of follow the leader and i know dirk doesn’t give two shits about you i don’t think roxy knows who you are and i think jade tried to be nice to you i have no idea what happened to that and john warned jane to stay away from you so that happened i guess?? but yeah, it seems all this is due to other trolls and mainly other trolls your age because your brother’s friends obviously don’t give a shit so like did you really do something wrong or what?”

Karkat raises his hand to your face and proudly displays his middle finger at you.

“right just thought i’d ask” You don’t know what you were expecting. You could probably ask Terezi, but you doubt she’d give you a straight answer. Because she never fucking does. You’ll have John ask Vriska. She’s always willing to run her mouth.

“sorry” Then again, you guess it’s really none of your business. Trolls are weird and you probably wouldn’t understand anyways. Nor are you really his friend, are you? Whatever. You finish your work early and dedicate your time to scribbling on the sidelines of your paper. This quickly diverges into pornography that you will erase before you turn in.

When class lets out, Karkat abandons you quickly. Abandon is a strong word, you have different classes next anyways. You’re pretty sure you made him upset. He probably doesn’t want to work on the project today now. That’s the Strider style for you.

You have class with Rose and Jade next. They stare at you knowingly because John’s been talking to them. He’s probably exaggerated everything, but it’s better than having to utter any of those words out of your own mouth. You sit beside your cousin and she smirks at you and Jade turns around in her chair to also smirk at you.

“what??” you scoff. Neither of them say anything. “sorry for being friendly”

“Friendly?” Rose laughs. “That’s one word for it.”

“i was not flirting with him”

“The problem is you _weren’t_ ironically flirting with him,” Rose points out. This momentarily stumps your thought process. Shit, she’s right. That’s bullshit. This is bullshit.

“bullshit”

“oh dave! you have a crush! it’s okay if it’s on karkat even if he is a jerk,” Jade assures you. You don’t actually need their approval, but it’s nice to know.

“i was going to ask you about that what exactly did he say to you to make you so upset”

“he was a jerk!” she snips defensively.

“okay thanks helpful you’re the best”

“ugh fine. well i tried to be nice to him and he flipped his fucking shit for absolutely no reason,” she complains. “i guess he was going through a hard time or something back then but that gave him no right to say the things he said to me!”

“this, surprisingly, is not much more helpful” you say.

“Hey, quiet down back there,” Mr. Deuce pips and that ends your conversation. It’s too bad too, considering how much information you were finding out. So much. All of the information.

You get a message halfway through class.

CG: I’LL BRING SNACKS.  
CG: YOU KNOW, TO MAKE UP FOR LUNCH.

Wow this is the most words he’s said to you so far.

TG: cool  
TG: bring apple juice would ya  
CG: FINE  
CG: I DON’T KNOW WHERE YOU LIVE ASSHOLE  
TG: oh right  
TG: you know where the sky rises are??  
CG: NO  
TG: how bout i just pick you up?  
CG: OUTSIDE OF TROLLMART?  
TG: yeah that’s great  
TG: say about four?  
CG: YEAH.  
TG: it’s a date  
CG: WHAT?  
TG: a date  
TG: sorry wait what’s the troll term  
TG: red rom outing with potential matesprit  
CG: OH MY FUCKING GOD.  
CG: WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU?  
CG: ARE YOU SERIOUSLY THIS FORWARD WITH EVERYONE?  
CG: ARE YOU JUST FUCKING WITH ME, ASSHOLE?

This is not exactly how you thought a first conversation would go.

TG: dude chill i was joking  
CG: WHO THE FUCK DOES THAT?  
CG: WHY IS THIS FUNNY TO YOU?  
CG: ARE YOU THAT FUCKING STUPID REALLY?  
CG: AT WHAT POINT DID YOU THINK TO YOURSELF ‘HEY, I BET IF I SAY THESE REALLY STUPID THINGS HE’LL LAUGH’?  
CG: OR DO YOU JUST NOT THINK AT ALL?  
TG: do you want it to be a date?  
CG: WHAT?  
TG: it can totally be a date if you want it to be  
CG: JEGUS NO.  
CG: WHAT EVEN MAKES YOU THINK I’M ATTRACTED TO YOU?  
TG: everyone’s attracted to me  
TG: can it be a date??  
CG: STOP FUCKING WITH ME YOU UNBELIEVABLY STUPID NOOKSTAIN.  
TG: that wasn’t a joke  
TG: i can get down with the troll  
CG: STOP.  
TG: you’ll come around  
CG: STOP.  
TG: my game be flier than blingin’ gold buyers  
CG: STOP.  
TG: got nothin’ on me but my sweet tongue rings  
CG: STOP.  
TG: need nothin’ but me to make you sing  
CG: HOLY FUCKING SHIT  
CG: I FUCKING SAID STOP  
CG: YOU ARE THE MOST ANNOYING HUMAN I HAVE EVER MET  
TG: so four?  
CG: YES.  
TG: cool

He’s totally different on Pesterchum. Maybe he’s just really shy. It wouldn’t be the weirdest thing you’ve ever seen. You bare through another class with Rose, spending the most of the time convincing your bros to give you the tv and promising that it was definitely for school reasons. Your eldest Bro agrees mostly because he has work anyways, but you have to make sure you’re recording his show or else. The second eldest is slightly harder to convince because he doesn’t want to analyzing his movies. He out ironics you again and you’re not sure what happened, but you guess he changed his mind? You’ll catch up with him one day.

Dirk agrees to trade keys with you since he and his friends are taking out to the beach anyways. It’s not cold by any means, but it’s definitely not beach weather. You don’t tell him this. This means you can use his board and you’re totally not showing off or anything.

You exchange captchalogue cards with him after class and go your separate ways. Rose bids you a goodbye before heading off with her girlfriend and John runs past you saying something about Tavros and tornadoes. You don’t see Jade again, but you’re going to bet she’s with her partner and her partner’s partner.

It’s only three ten, so you have way too much time to kill. Trollmart is closer to the school than your house, so there’s no point in going home and then getting Karkat and then going back home. So, of course, you decide to fuck around the school for forty minutes. There’s not a lot going on right now. Some clubs are taking place, but you guess there aren’t any sports being set up. You end up not having to wait for forty minutes, unfortunately.

“wwatch wwhere the fuck you’re goin’!”

A+ Eridan. A fucking plus on being an asshole as usual. Never any slacking in that department. You head toward the noise mostly out of curiosity.

“look! you got your fuckin’ gross mutant blood all ovver my shoe!” Was he talking about Karkat?

“Eridan . . . I do not think you should-”

“no! this fuckin’ loser should havve been culled immediately! it wwould havve savved evveryone the trouble. noww clean my fuckin’ shoe off!”

You come around the corner just in time to watch Karkat spit a mouth of blood at the Sea Dweller. It looks like his face made good acquaintances with the wall, probably from being shoved into it. You quickly take to his rescue. Equius gets a punch in before either of them notice you and Karkat falls hard. You un-captchalogue your sword without thinking about it.

You’re not going to severely injure them, that would be illegal, just scare the shit out of them. An elegant slice cuts through Eridan’s stupid cape and he turns to you sharply, startled. On the back pull, you turn your crappy sword around and strike him in those stupid gills of his with the spine. He gasps like you just knocked the wind out of him. That’s probably enough but that’s Karkat’s blood on his face, not his.

You remedy this with the hilt of your sword, bashing it against his nose with more force than is probably necessary. He falls back on his ass and violet blood floods from his nose. You turn the blade on Equius and he backs up quickly. He’s generally not an overly violent person, oddly enough. This is entirely Eridan’s fault, but you’re not about to let him off the hook.

“punch yourself in the face” you instruct. He raises his fist, but doesn’t immediately comply.

“I- uh-” and now he’s sweating.

“i said punch yourself in the face” you say again, firmer this time. He does so liberally, leaving the red blood on his knuckles from Karkat on the bridge of his node and leaking blue blood of his own.

“now get the fuck out of here both of you before i beat the shit out of you” you snap. Equius quickly picks Eridan up under the arms and carried him off, the Sea Dweller hissing and spitting the entire time. He doesn’t concern you. Only when they’re out of sight do you put your sword away again.

You look down to Karkat who’s wiping his bloody nose on his sleeve and chittering away angrily. You guess it’s both a positive and negative noise?

“are you stupid??” you growl at him. “you couldn’t open your mouth for two seconds to call for help?? you could have been injured!”

Karkat is on his feet at once. Aw yiss hero kiss. This is not what you get. Karkat punches you in the nose. You cover your face immediately. Now you also have a bloody nose, which is great. It’s not broken though, like Eridan’s. You’re not sure how bad Karkat’s is.

“the fuck was that for?!” you whine.

He makes an o with his thumb and index finger that quickly merges into a sort of lazy peace sign and then points at you['Fuck you.']He taps his fist against the side of his head, points to himself excessively, nods his fists, places his thumb under his chin and drags it out to you, then waves his index fingers parallel to one another['Asshole, I can't talk.'].

Only now does this occur to you; is that sign language?

“are you deaf?” you ask incredulously. This earns you another punch. Neither of them were soft, playful punches, either. You’re pretty sure your cheek is going to be bruised. You turn away from him a little.

“ah fuck! knock it off, man it was just a question”

He makes the ‘o’ and peace sign again then taps the inside of his fist against his forehead['Fucking idiot.']. You don’t know what any of this means. Obviously he realises this. He pressed his palm to his forehead and then slowly takes his index finger and makes a zigzag line over his lips.

“kurlos?” you guess and he nods. “you’re mute?”

Karkat slowly nods. Holy shit you are stupid. _John_ figured this out before you did. What is wrong with you?

“cool are you alright?” you ask. His nose doesn’t appear to be bleeding anymore at least, but it looks like he snagged his lip on his stupid troll teeth. All the same, Karkat nods. You’re just glad you came when you did. While he’s probably been in fights before, you don’t see anything wrong with preventing them.

“is your nose broken?” You pick up his things and he smacks your hands away to do it himself. Once he has his papers shoved back into his bag, he feels he nose. The wince his earns is all too telling. He nods.

“my bro can set it for you i’m guessing you’re not going to want to go home like this?”

Karkat taps his index and middle finger to his thumb['No.']. He shakes his head. It’s painfully obvious why he tends to hover around the Makara’s and Meulin. So fucking stupid. You un-captchalogue Dirk’s board from your sylladex and mount it gracefully.

“try not to hit me again, but you’re going to have to grab my waist”

Karkat sharply raises his index finger, touches it to his chin, and nods his head down['Seriously?'].

“as much as i would love to suddenly know what you’re waving at me that’s pretty much all you’re doing right now yes it’s safe no i won’t drop you no you won’t die no there’s not another way unless you want to walk and i don’t know about you but that sounds awful” You guess you should learn some sign language now. You know, without asking anyone because that sounds like a terrible idea.

Reluctantly, Karkat places his foot on the back. You grab his arm to yank him up so he doesn’t put his weight on it and drive you both you the ground. As soon as he’s off the ground, he clings to your waist fearfully. This is probably easier, anyways, the closer he is the easier it is to center yourself.

You have more than enough practice to keep your promise and not die in a fiery crash. When you continue to not do this, he eventually relaxes. He taps his finger against your chest slightly. He’s still a little nervous, but that’s understandable.

“yeah?”

Karkat draws letters on your chest with his fingers. You’re cool enough to manage to focus on both things.

HOW HIGH ARE WE?

“high as balls man high as balls- ooaf!” Karkat punches you in the chest, admittedly lightly. “dude if this is going to be a part of our relationship, i’mma need some heavy duty armor.” He punches you again, harder. You swerve, mostly just to scare him. This backfires greatly and he claws you trying to hold his grip. His nails go right through your sweater and you’re positive he broke skin. You add that to thing not to do ever again. You don’t follow your list very often.

You drop down on the roof, it’s closer to your apartment anyways, and he jumps off awkwardly. You captchalogue the board again and drop to your feet effortlessly. You pop inside first and turn up to motion Karkat in. He stares down at you.

“yes you have to jump” you assure him. He doesn’t jump, he just kind of tumbles ineloquently. You’re alright with this for it gives you the option of catching him. His teeth smack against your collar. Okay, so, trolls are very dangerous and you are very injured now holy shit. Karkat on the other hand is perfectly fine. Surprise.

“yo bro!” you call absently. Him not being in the livingroom usually means something bad for you, but you have a guest, honestly. You know this means nothing to him. He doesn’t appear, however, which only furthers your suspicion. Karkat’s closely examining Lil’ Cal on the couch.

“What?” There he is. Your eldest brother’s sudden appearance causes Karkat to snap his teeth with an audible noise. You have no desire to know what he had been doing previously. You have your ideas and you do not want to think of these ideas. “What happened to you, lil’ man?”

“i got into a fight” you explain simply.

“And you got hit?”

“fuck no” You’re not as quick as your brothers, any of them unfortunately, but you’re fast enough to be far above anyone at school. Probably anyone out of school, too. You just don’t think about it when it’s your friends. Well Karkat. You point to Karkat slightly. “these are from him could you set his nose?”

Bro looks over Karkat sharply, sizing him up before making a gesture with both hands['May I?']. Karkat nods. You really hope what just happened isn’t what you think happened. With as much care as he puts into everything else, which isn’t all that much really, Bro snaps his nose back into place. Karkat chitters, but trolls are generally hardy creatures and he doesn’t show any pain. His blows Bro a kiss, which, you decide, is probably not a kiss but a thank you. Bro swings his hand into his chest just below his breast['Welcome.'].

Yeah, that just happened. You have no idea when Bro learned sign language. You’re not surprised, honestly. He’s like a fucking genius.

“You cool?” he asks you.

“yeah no damage done”

“Good. Ma’s working on his bullshit again. Make sure he eats, yeah?” Bro mumbles.

“no problem”

“Kay. I’m out, then. Remember boys, don’t be silly, wrap your willy.” And with that wonderful piece of knowledge, he disappears with a thud of the door. Karkat looks at you sharply. He points to the side sharply, hooks a finger at the corner of his mouth, then touches his index fingers together and brings one index finger to his thumb and back to his index again['He was cool until then.'].

“i’m going to guess that you think i told him to say that or something and i didn’t he says that pretty much whenever i have people over even if it’s rose so don’t hit me again” you explain. He rolls his eyes. “bathroom’s that way if you want to wash off i’ll go grab some movies and change my shirt probably”

He nods and you take a quick detour to your room. You wipe the blood from under your nose carefully with your newly ripped sweater. John’s going to be so mad his shirt’s fucked up. You’ll buy him a new one. You change into something more suited to your irony, a nice shirt with fluffy kittens in space under the moon, before heading for your ‘ma’s room. He’s the only one in this house with a room to himself because he actually needs the room for all his shitty junk.

He’s the second oldest and due to a long running game between he and the elder brother, he is ‘ma’ Bro and the eldest is ‘dad’ Bro. Neither you nor Dirk actually call them this, they’re both just Bro, but they certainly do. This super ironic game of house has been going on since before you could remember. It’s usually pretty funny, except for when they sign your permission slips ‘DAD BRO & MA BRO’ and the school has to call and actually have the conversation that, in fact, you did not badly forge their signatures.

Bro nods at you when you enter. You can tell even from here his eyes are tired from staring at his computer screen so long. He’s also naked. You don’t ask question.

“yo” he says.

“yo” you answer. You pick a few movies from his endless shelves of crap, leaning towards the less crappy ones, and bundle them under your arm. “i’m ordering pizza bro says to feed you so i’ll bring you some when it gets here”

“aw dad’s worried about me so sweet pineapple, extra sauce, pepper flakes”

“yeah yeah i know you fucking primadonna”

“hey” he says suddenly. “don’t talk to your mother like that you have to love your mommy dave do you know what you did to my vagina”

Holy fucking shit. You abscond the fuck out of there. Karkat’s waiting on the couch, thankfully devoid of Lil’ Cal. You plop down beside him and toss the movies onto the coffee table.

“your pick” you assure him. Immediately, he picks out the romantic comedy hands down no debate. Nothing surprised you anymore. You order a pizza while he pops it in and you have to remind yourself that this is actually for school.

“so” you say. Karkat crosses his arms over his chest, puffed out in his sweater adorably. He glances at you mildly and you can see the swelling in his face is already going down. Yours, unsurprisingly, is not. “you didn’t really answer me when i asked for a date”

He holds his index finger to his mouth and you assume he’s motioning you quiet, but he draws it forward and it’s a sign['Sure.']?

“is that a yes?”

He points diagonally and then curls all his fingers aside from the index to sort of kiss them together['This is a date.'].

“uh i don’t know what that means”

He stares at you with no sign that he’s going to explain or help you understand.

“karkat? is that a yes? karkat please”

Shit you have to learn sign fast.


	2. ==> Suddenly Understand Everything

For two weeks, going on three really, you have spent an excessive amount of time with Karkat. This really isn’t a bad thing by any means. You guess you’re sort of dating now? You think you’re dating, anyways. Karkat just kind of flips out when you directly ask. He has a really low self esteem.

He’s spent every afternoon at your house watching movies and working on your project together. He spent a couple nights too, each time somehow with him insisting on sleeping on the floor and yet always waking up in your bed. Unfortunately, this means you end up on the floor. You’re not sure how he does this without waking you up. He fell asleep with his head in your lap once and only bashed his head against your chin mildly. You only bled for a few minutes, while he signed at you angrily for ‘putting your head there’. Then there was when he was totally cool with you kissing all on his neck during the entire run of ‘The Sound of Music’ and he didn’t even get mad over the hickey you worked really hard on. It was actually on accident because you hadn’t even known you could do that to a troll.

So just all around there’s some seriously mixed signals here. On the bright side, he gets along with Dirk and Dad Bro pretty well, this is probably because they both understand his arm flailing, and he and Ma Bro get along decently. Kankri gave you a very long speech at lunch one day while Karkat was elsewhere and you’re pretty sure it was pepper with threats about not hurting his baby brother. You basically tuned him out though.

You’re slowly picking on sign, so communication isn’t entirely impossible. You know the alphabet, though Karkat gets pissed when you tell him to sign slower, and you know some basics like ‘yes’ and ‘no’ and ‘thank you’. Some of them are way harder than you thought.

John gets along with him, and you think he may of apologised to Jade so she’s okay with him. You’re pretty sure Kanaya told Rose what happened and why she doesn’t like him and if she has, Rose obviously disagrees with her. This kind of makes you feel better since you still have no idea what happened, but it couldn’t possibly be that bad surely. Karkat will tell you when he’s ready.

So really, you’re pretty happy. Well, you mean, most of the trolls have pretty much shunned you for having anything to do with him, including Terezi, but whatever. What you find strange is that they’ve only done this to you. John is just as friendly with Karkat, if not more, and they’re all perfectly fine with John. That’s highschool for you.

You’ll worry more about all of that any time but right now. Dirk has already assured you at least a C+ on your project, which is all you need. You’re not that bad at science, so a C is all you really need to maintain your grade. Karkat’s also okay with this. For spending several hours a day doing nothing more than watching movies and eating junk food, that’s a pretty good grade.

You’re less concerned about your grade, however, and more concerned about having a school full of parents and students all in the same area. Grandma English, Mama Lalonde, and Mr. Zahhak are judging again this year. Again, they asked your Bro to do it and again he managed to worm his way out of it by acting like an idiot. You believe the conversation this year went something along the lines of ‘science fair? Is that the one with the books? It’s not? Is that the one where I wave my willie at the kids? Hello?’

Nana and Poppop gladly supply goodies for everyone. You wisely don’t take any. You’re pretty sure they’ve done something to them and you don’t relish the idea of finding out what. Your own guardians are hovering about and thankfully, there’s nothing new about this. No one looks twice when they arrive arm in arm; Ma Bro in a frilly apron, nails painted like some retro mom, and a second pair of cat eye glasses over his shades; and Dad Bro in fedora and pipe. He’s mocking John’s Dad. John’s Dad does not realise this and gladly comments on his style choice. John is embarrassed. You are way too pleased about it.

Karkat makes a c at his forehead and brings it down to point over his wrist then claws three fingers across the air[’Your brothers are weird.’].

“yeah yeah” you agree. He uses these signs a lot. Mostly because all of your brothers are really weird pretty much constantly. You don’t think they’re weird, but you can see how he’d think so. The two of you just stand by your project while the parents wander around. None of the troll parents treat Karkat any differently. You guess it’s really not the mutant blood thing?

“Hello Dave and Karkat.”

“yo mother lalonde” you greet as she stops before you. Karkat nods absently. She glances over your pasteboard and isn’t really that impressed. She seems to approve of your approach to the troll and human romances, though.

“Scrapping at the bare minimum again, I see,” she notes. You know her well enough to know she isn’t being vicious towards you. Not intentionally, anyways. She is your aunt, after all.

“you know me as little as possible” you agree with a wink and a pistol. Karkat holds the fingers of both his hands to his forehead and drags them down through the air shortly[’Unfortunately.’]. You’re still learning, so you have no idea what this means. You’re pretty sure Mother Lalonde doesn’t either, though.

“Have you seen Roxy?”

“i think she’s trying to put the finishing touches on her project with cronus in the lab” you explain. She sighs faintly.

“Thank you Dave. Good luck, you two.”

“crossing my fingers for a b minus” you respond and she pets your head as she leaves. You have to fix your hair afterwards. Ms Maryam stops by with a kind greeting to Karkat and a compliment, again to the troll/human romances on your project. John’s Dad stops by as well, you're surprised he’s not with Mama Lalonde, but he’s nice enough.

Then comes the clash. Kankri appears and you’re pretty sure it was an awful idea for him to leave Meenah alone with their project, but you don’t voice this. You really can’t anyways, because immediately Karkat it signing rapidly at his brother. You can’t keep up, but you know its absolutely riddled with curse words. Kanrki pompously swishes his head away.

“I just th9ught I’d let y9u kn9w that father is 9n his way 9ver here,” he scoffs sharply as if he wasn’t about to launch into an endless wave of triggers over his brother’s blatant cursing.

“Yo, you little shit, why’s your project the worse one here?” and there’s your brothers. This is not going to end well. Kankri looks up to Dad Bro and you think the image breaks his brain because he just stares like he doesn’t know where to start.

“no flash photography, please i’m very photosensitive like straight up albino bitches”

“It’s twenty bucks extra for trolls, babe.”

Well if he wasn’t broken before, he’s certainly broken now. You’re not sure if you should applaud your brothers or shoo them away. Karkat looks smugly pleased, however. An older looking fellow places a hand on Kankri’s shoulder and by the shape of his horns, you’re positive it’s their father. You’ve never met Karkat’s father, so you’re not sure if Karkat or Kankri takes after him and wow suddenly you’re terrified of finding out because either he’s going to love your brothers or fucking hate them.

“You must be the Striders,” he says, holding out a hand. Dad Bro shakes it, but Ma Bro holds out his hand like a dainty asshole. Mr. Vantas actually kisses the back of his hand. Oh. Okay. This is going to go fine.

“I’m Dad Bro and this is my wife, Ma Bro.”

“Mr. Vantas,” he introduces himself without so much as batting an eyelash. Karkat is actually embarrassed and you have no idea why. You should be the one embarrassed here. You’re not, but you should be. “Thank you for allowing my son to stay at your house for the last two weeks.”

“he’s no trouble at all i mean lil’ dude doesn’t talk and he fucking eats anything you put in front of him”

“It’s not a problem. He’s a good kid.” As long as they don’t say anything damning you're good, and honestly if Mr. Vantas hasn’t gotten upset yet he probably never will. “Dangerous as fuck, though. Should really get Dave some body armor before they fuck. Kid’s gonna run our hospital bills up.” Aw shit.

“Many apologies for that,” but Mr. Vantas only laughs. “I don’t believe trolls were meant to be in close proximity to humans. You’re quite fleshy and danity.”

“like a fucking peach man”

“But I assure you, Karkat is perfectly capable of not seriously injuring Dave. Besides, I’m quite sure you Striders are hardier than you lead on to be,” Mr. Vantas insists. He’s right and your Bros just kind of smirk.

Karkat points undescriptively to the set of people in front of your project, swishes his hands around half heartedly in little circles and flicks his fingers forwards then places his fingers into palm and brings the all the way around [’I hate you all.’]. Does that mean Karkat refers to you as his boyfriend at home?

“I would just like to assure you that Dave is welcome over any time he’d like. I’ll be sure to keep Kankri at bay,” he promises and Kankri puffs his cheeks out. You’ll remember this for later.

“cool we’ve been trying to have another kid but one of them’s always complaining about the noise” Ma Bro says. There is no way Kankri isn’t going to give you shit for this later. Still, Mr. Vantas doesn’t seem to care. You have to wonder absently if he even realises there’s something wrong here.

“We have to go break apart the other little shit from his boyfriend before one of them gets pregnant, now,” Dad Bro explains and they bid Mr. Vantas a short goodbye. Once they’re gone, he turns towards you.

“Your guardians are quite eccentric,” he admits.

“that’s one word for it” you agree. You guess this means you and your family have his approval? At least you won’t have to worry about an angry troll trying to keep Karkat away from you. You’re pretty sure Karkat doesn’t need that, either.

“It was very nice to meet you, Dave. I’ll see you at home, Karkat.” Mr. Vantas smiles at you and nods to his son before turning Kankri around by the shoulders and having the older sibling guide him off. Everything went better than expected. You glance toward Karkat, who’s holding the bridge of his nose in annoyance. You guess even trolls get embarrassed by their families.

“looks like our families both think we’re dating” you comment. Karkat withdraws his phone from his sylladex and you do the same.

CG: WHATEVER YOU’RE THINKING. NO.  
TG: that i could come over to your house for dinner and lay you down sweetly under the moonlight and ravish you all night?  
CG: NO TO ALL OF THAT.  
CG: FUCK NO.  
TG: yeah alright  
TG: you want to come over after this though?  
TG: my bros have a movie thing  
TG: i’ll make you microwave burritos  
CG: GROSS  
CG: MAKE IT NO BURRITOS  
TG: okay no burritos  
CG: SURE  
TG: cool  
CG: DON’T GET ANY FUCKING IDEAS THOUGH  
TG: you know not having ideas is what i do best  
CG: I’M FUCKING SERIOUS, ASSHOLE.  
TG: okay but you know you’re going to have to tell me eventually if we’re an item or not  
TG: i need to know if i’m the best boyfriend or the creepiest best friend  
CG WHAT DOES IT EVEN MATTER?  
CG: WHAT IS WITH YOU AND TRYING TO GET IN A QUADRANT?  
TG: because i want to be able to call you my boyfriend  
TG: or matesprit  
TG: whatever

He doesn’t answer. You look toward him. He blushes ridiculously easy. It’s actually really cute.

CG: WHAT IF I DON’T WANT YOU TO CALL ME THAT?  
TG: then i guess i won’t  
TG: if you don’t  
TG: that’s dope  
TG: no joke  
CG: STOP YOUR BUBBLING GRUB FUCKER MOUTH  
TG: so you don’t want to tell me if we’re dating or not because you don’t want me to call you my boyfriend??  
TG: matesprit  
CG: NO.  
CG: YES.  
TG: i suddenly understand everything  
CG: YOU DO?  
TG: no  
TG: yo i don’t have to call you anything you know  
TG: karkat’s fine  
CG: . . .  
TG: i mean no one even has to know if you don’t want them to  
TG: it’s only our business  
TG: and i don’t want you to think i’m pressuring you into anything either  
TG: if you don’t want to then cool  
TG: i’ll back off chill  
TG: but i’d like to know at least  
TG: i’ll still be your friend  
CG: AREN’T YOU ‘NOT HOMOSEXUAL’?  
TG: dude what  
TG: no  
TG: just  
TG: no  
TG: i don’t put labels on that shit  
TG: what’s between your legs  
TG: or your ears  
TG: i don’t give a shit  
TG: catch me?

You can see Karkat fidgeting over his phone. This would probably look ridiculous to anyone else, but when your maybe boyfriend can’t talk, it really is the easiest way. Surely this wasn’t why Karkat was being so vehemently against telling you anything. You thought that would be obvious. Sure, you’ve only dated girls, but to be fair, you’ve only had one. You had a relationship with Terezi for about a week and really the only thing that happened was she tore your lips up with her fangs.

Yeah, okay, and you sort of have a thing for sex but come on, practice makes perfect. Plus, it’s not like you _need_  it. If Karkat doesn’t want to, then you’re down. Weird as your Bro’s are, they raised you awesome.

Karkat looks at you. You touch one side of your chest with an index finger and make a half circle to the other side, then crook your finger at the corner of your mouth[’We cool?’]. Karkat nods.

TG: so can i call you my boyfriend?  
CG: MATESPRIT YOU UNCULTURED FUCK  
TG: matesprit right  
TG: cool

Sweet, you just caught yourself a boyfriend. This is a good day.

“so what do we have here, boys?” Oh wow, Mama Lalonde is actually sober. You’re not completely surprised, you’re just surprised she's sober _here_. You and Karkat explain your project to the three judges. Mr. Zahhak doesn’t seem to agree with trolls and humans mingling so much, but it doesn’t affect your grade. Mama Lalonde and Grandma English are both fairly impressed with your work despite it being one of the more passive ones.

You get a solid B. You can deal with this. You can already see Karkat is more pleased with this result than he wants to be. At least he’s in a good mood. You wait until the judges move on to the next booth before turning to your new matesprit.

“unless you want to keep this thing, we can bounce” you suggest. Your Bros have already left and you’re pretty sure Dirk is going to hang around till the end because he might actually place in this thing. “we can grab some grub first and then not watch a movie” You’ve both had enough of movies probably forever.

Karkat agrees. The less time he has to spend around these people, the better. It’s not all that difficult to sneak out of this place, but on your way out you catch the entire Lalonde family smirking at you. That’s not creepy at all. It's kind of wet outside today, so Karkat hops into the front seat with you. The passenger seat has a broken seat belt, so he has to sit directly next to you. You both decide to try the new oriental place that opened down the street, taking it to go as to not deal with people for the rest of today.

You return home, the pair of you jogging mildly to the door to escape what little rain there is. Karkat chitters, but this time it’s due to the cold. You don’t care why he makes the noise anymore, it’s cute. You like it. You both retreat to your room immediately. You ditch your wet sweater over the fan and Karkat quickly shrugs out of his own. Wow, it’s actually a sweater and he actually wears a shirt under it. You learn something new every day.

He plops down on your bed and you slide in front of your computer. He tosses you a white box and chopsticks. You’re not entirely sure what the difference between oriental and chinese is, but this is definitely chinese. It’s still good, though.

“so can i ask again why all the other trolls your age hate you or am i going to get sticky rice to the face??” you ask, peering at him through your shades. Karkat scowls at you. “i mean, none of the parents seem to mind you, even mr zahhak who i would think would be the most against your ‘mutant’ blood so you know sort of curious as to why they treat you like a pariah and now me i guess”

He flinches. Whoa, is he concerned for your status? That’s - cute. He doesn’t really need to be, though. You honestly don’t care what people think of you and even if all eleven of them rallied together, you’re confident in your ability to abscond without injury. Karkat places his food aside to grab for his phone again. It’s obvious he’s not going to even try to sign this out. You turn to your computer. John’s pestering you on another box.

ectoBiologist [EB] has begun pestering turntechGodhead [TG]

EB: dude. haven’t you ever heard bros before hoes?  
TG: you’re not a hoe john you’re at least my bottom bitch

carcinoGeneticist [CG] has begun trolling turntechGodhead [TG]

CG: WHY IS THIS ANY OF YOUR FUCKING BUSINESS.  
TG: you’re my matesprit  
TG: it’d be nice to know why eleven other trolls may at any point attempt to injure you  
TG: you know they call your generation of trolls the most violent in decades??

EB: oh man. stop.  
TG: besides last time i saw you vriska was trying to get you to mack all up on tavros  
EB: and you couldn’t help me?

CG: THE THING WITH AMPORA HAD NOTHING TO DO WITH WHY THEY HATE ME.  
CG: AMPORA IS JUST AN ASSHOLE AND ZAHHAK IS A FUCKING STUPID NOOKSTAIN.  
TG: i can see that yeah  
TG: still  
TG: you don’t have to tell me if you don’t want

TG: help you what?  
TG: did you want me to teach you how to have a threesome?  
TG: as fun as that would have been  
TG: pass  
EB: ugh. no.  
EB: help get me out of there. gosh.  
TG: you looked like you were having fun

CG: I DON’T GO POKING AROUND YOUR LIFE  
TG: do you want to  
TG: my answer for yours

EB: fun?  
EB: dude.  
EB: you’re a dick.  
TG: i’d say ‘but i’m your dick’ but that would be inaccurate  
TG: i actually get some  
EB: i don’t believe you.  
TG: i can’t keep the people and their respective genders off me

CG: WHAT’S WITH YOUR BROTHERS?  
TG: that’s what you ask me?  
CG: I MEAN  
CG: WHY ARE YOU RAISED BY YOUR BROTHERS?  
TG: i know what you meant  
TG: it’s just not a secret or anything  
TG: from what i understand  
TG: and i get like three different stories  
TG: after i was born my parents tried to put me and dirk up for adoption  
TG: instead, my older brother  
TG: the dad one  
TG: grabbed us and ran away from home  
TG: and no one ever looked for us  
TG: when bro  
TG: the ma one  
TG: found out, he helped out  
TG: either that or they had simultaneous flings with mama and mother lalonde and roxy’s dirk’s twin and rose is my twin and they just decided to raise is separately and call us cousins  
TG: or dirk and i were found on a fallen meteor  
TG: i honestly don’t know which one is more plausible

EB: look can you just ask terezi to help me or something?  
TG: terezi’s not talking to me dude  
TG: look i gotta go  
TG: good luck  
TG: use a condom  
EB: dave no!  
EB: dave!  
EB: help me!

turntechGodhead [TG] has ceased pestering ectoBiologist [EB]

CG: REALLY?  
TG: honest to god  
TG: ask them if you want  
TG: your turn  
CG: YOU CAN’T TELL ANYONE.

He’s actually telling you. You hadn’t really thought he would

CG: IN GRUB SCHOOL I WAS REALLY GOOD FRIENDS WITH MOST OF THOSE ASSHOLES  
CG: AND THINGS HAPPENED  
TG: things are such awful things  
TG: how did you possibly live after  
TG: things  
Cg: SHUT THE FUCK UP OR I'M NOT GOING TO TELL YOU.  
CG: THINGS INVOLVING SOLLUX AND TEREZI AND GAMZEE  
CG: PURPLE BLOODS ARE REALLY UNSTABLE WHEN THEY START GOING THROUGH CERTAIN CHANGES  
CG: AND GAMZEE’S WAS REALLY BAD  
CG: AS THAT FUCKER’S MOIRAIL I TRIED TO HELP HIM  
CG: BUT HE FUCKING FLIPPED HIS SHIT ONE DAY  
CG: HE TRIED TO GO AFTER SOLLUX  
CG: I TRIED TO STOP HIM BUT SOLLUX THOUGHT I WAS ATTACKING HIM AND HE CAME AFTER ME AND THAT FUCKING GRUB SUCKER BROKE BOTH MY ARMS  
CG: SO GAMZEE BEAT HIS SORRY ASS  
TG: and terezi?  
CG: GAMZEE HAD TO TAKE A WEEK OFF FROM SCHOOL SO HIS DAD COULD GET HIM UNDER FUCKING CONTROL  
CG: AND I WAS IN THE HOSPITAL  
CG: SO SOLLUX BEGAN TO SPREAD THE RUMOR THAT I SENT GAMZEE TO ATTACK HIM  
CG: AND TEREZI HELPED HIM  
CG: BECAUSE THEY WERE AFRAID HE WAS GOING TO GET FUCKING CULLED FOR WHAT HE DID.  
TG: i thought they didn’t cull trolls anymore?  
CG: THEY FUCKING DON’T  
CG: BUT IF I TOLD PEOPLE THE TRUTH  
CG: THEY’D TAKE GAMZEE AWAY TO ONE OF THOSE FUCKING HIGH BLOOD CAMPS  
CG: SO I LET THEM BELIEVE WHAT THEY WANTED TO  
CG: AND EVERYONE STARTED TO AVOID ME  
CG: AND I JUST FUCKING DECIDED THAT IF ALL MY ‘FRIENDS’ THOUGHT I WOULD DO SUCH A THING  
CG: THEN THEY WERE ALL ASSHOLES  
CG: AND NOT MY FRIENDS

Well shit. Now you’re also an asshole. To be fair, you didn’t know any of this when you were warned away from Karkat. You’re just glad you hadn’t done anything malicious towards him. No wonder why Gamzee was the only one that kept around him. The older trolls must know what happened from Kurlos and keep quiet for the same reason Karkat did. It’s actually really sweet Karkat did that. From what you know, the camps they put violent trolls in aren’t much better than getting culled.

They don’t blame Gamzee because they probably think Karkat used some sort of psionic ability to control him. Low bloods are more likely to have them, but as a mutant, you’re pretty sure Karkat has exactly zero. There’s no way of knowing for certain though. The other trolls still try to convince Gamzee to keep away from him. Well now you have to give Gamzee some mad rep.

And punch Sollux in the fucking face.

You abandon your computer without a second thought, drop your knees on the bed and lay with your head in his chest. He tries to shove you off, actually managing to rip some of your hair out in the process, but you hold steadfast.

“i’m sorry all the people you thought were your friends turned out to be dick holes” you say, though you know it isn’t any consolation. “and that they continued to be dick holes”

He’s chittering angrily at you. You raise your head slightly and he glares at you, but you know by now that it’s not malicious.

“your teeth scare the fuck out of me and i’m probably going to regret asking but i would like to put my mouth against yours”

Karkat signs an f followed swiftly by a k and follows up by tapping the inside of his fist on his forehead[‘Fucking idiot.’] You know those signs well enough. However, he gives you a very clear, obvious nod of approval which is all that you need. You have to pull yourself up a bit from where you flopped on the bed to come to eye level with him.

You’ve thought about how you could pull this off before. You still have no idea. You decide that just going for it is your best bet. You anchor yourself on your hands under his arms and tilt into him slightly. He’s still staring at you and it’s utterly awkward, but you don’t mind. Surprisingly, your teeth do not, in fact, clank against his immediately. His naturally lower body temperature makes for a sort of comfortably cool kiss.

You prod his teeth with your tongue cheekily, feeling over the ridges with curiosity. They’re actually not all that sharp, but you guess they’re sharp enough to do serious damage to you with blunt force behind them. Hesitantly, he meets your tongue with his own. He reels back almost immediately, staring down at you sharply.

You stick your tongue out at him and show off the silver piercings he’s obviously forgotten about until right now. You meet his mouth again, a bit more aggressively this time. He responds with fight, grabbing around your ribs and dragging his nails into your back. He’s careful. You hope he stays that way because you actually like this shirt.

He’s playing with your piercings using his tongue. This would be the other reason to like them. You adjust yourself slightly, bringing a knee over his hips, well sort of thigh area with your height difference, and gaining a bit of leverage so he doesn’t yank you down. As long as there’s no broken bones, you’re happy. You’re pretty sure Karkat isn’t strong enough to do that on accident, though.

He chitters. Whoa he doesn’t make that noise with his teeth? The fuck is it coming from? You decide to explore. Thoroughly. With your tongue bits. You quickly forget about this train of thought. Karkat squeezes you tighter in his hands and soon enough, he’s squirming. It occurs to you that, hell, he’s probably never been kissed before. Not properly at least. You’re alright with this.

When he jerks his hips up a bit, you note the very prominent, literal bulge doing that strange wiggling thing in his pants. Now would be the time to admit that you have never been intimate with a troll before. It can’t be _that_  different, though. You prove this point by palming him through his jeans and he whines sharply in his throat. Of course you’re right.

Karkat pulls away, breathing heavily and chittering louder than you even thought he could. His face is flushed brightly.

“do you want me to stop?” you ask calmly. He reaches for your face and instinctively, you grab his wrist. You don’t stop him, though, and he removes your shades with curiosity. That’s right, he hasn’t seen your eyes yet. You can’t read his facial expression.

“yeah just as much of a freak as you are” you assure him with a half smile, which probably ends up just a smirk on you. He wants to touch your face now, cupping your cheek and stroking the spot below your eye with his thumb.

“one hundred percent real i promise you”

He leans up to kiss you. However, the door slams open and he just ends up biting your lip. To your benefit, you don’t show any pain. Well you’re bleeding now. Awesome. You glance over your shoulder to the pair of boys blindly scrambling towards the other bed.

“dirk” you snap and his boyfriend makes a loud, startled noise that breaks them apart. “yo you gotta go somewhere else bro i’m trying to make out with my matesprit here”

Dirk turns to you slightly and you catch eyes. The times when you both are shade free are rare and despite neither of you being bothered by your respective eye color, or vise versa, it’s always weird as fuck.

“I’m trying to get laid. I think I win.”

“Dirk, i thought you said we were going to- oh!” Jake goes red all the way to the tips of his ears. He removes himself entirely from your brother like you give a fuck if they're intimate or not.

“was here first bro” you assure him.

“Was born first bro,” he answers in the same way many of your arguments go. He’s looking past you now, though, and you’re aware Karkat has removes his hands from you to sign.

“Jake lives in a fucking tree house.”

“It’s nothing like a tree house even remotely dirk and i’m sure we could go in the house if you’d like.”

“That-” Dirk opens his mouth to respond to something Karkat tells him, but he thinks other of it. “Is actually a pretty good idea.” He takes a moment to captchalogue some things from around his bed before taking his weird boyfriend about the waist and leaving the room again. He’s kind enough to close the door behind him. You don’t want to know what Karkat told him.

You wipe your mouth off on your sleeve. It’s not that bad, fortunately. Just a slight nick.

“you okay??” you ask. Karkat grasps at your shirt with his fingertips almost shyly, though he’s basically glaring at you. “do you want to stop?” He shakes his head.

“cool” You touch your lips to his again, hopefully with no more interruptions. He rests his hands on your waist, a small purr emitting from his chest. That’s a new one. He raises his hips and you return your hands to his jeans. You have to steady yourself on your knees to get the damn thing open. Karkat tilts his head upward, breaking your kiss, and you put your attention to his bulge.

You press his boxers down and, uh, yeah. You learned about bulges and nooks in health class, of course, but you had no idea they moved like that. You’re not sure how you feel about this. Curious. Let’s go with that. You move off the bed.

“hold on”

Karkat holds a w to his chin pointedly[‘Wrong?’]. You shake your head slightly.

“nothing’s wrong i just don’t want you to yank my piercings out” you explain simply, dipping your fingers into your mouth to unscrew the bulbs. If you would have known this to begin with, you would have just worn the barbells in the first place. It’s too bad you can’t show him how you use your chain. You’re willing to risk a lot of things but ripping your tongue is not one of them. Karkat watches you take out one pair and replace them with a much safer set. You gladly stick your tongue out for him and he curls his hands towards his face, probably to cover himself with the sweater he fortunately removed already.

He touches a pair of fingers to his lips and brings them out, points to you, then uses his index finger to make an arch from his lips out[‘Are you really?’]. You’re still stumbling through a lot of this, but you can piece together enough of it.

“can i??” you arch a brow at him, kneeling on the edge of your bed again. Karkat blushes brighter, but he nods. You’re positive that asking makes it awkward, but he can’t talk so how else are you supposed to know he’s down with this? You press your mouth to his neck, ushering him to sit up a little from around the waist. You slip your fingers under the hem of his shirt and he shoves your hands away to take it off himself.

No nipples. Yep. Trolls sure are different species. Unsurprisingly, this doesn’t bother you. You tug at his jeans and he hoists his hips up so you can yank them, and his boxers, off in an elegant movement. Karkat chitters when you settle yourself between his legs, running your hands along his thighs. His oddly bright red bulge wriggles excessively between his legs. You have already learned a lesson here; lots of towels. There is no way your sheets aren’t going to be stained after this.

You touch the tentacle tentatively with a pair of fingers. Immediately, it reacts, tangling with your fingers desperately and leaving red streaks over your skin. You’re really glad you decided to exchange your piercings. You, though you would never admit to it, had been distantly concerned you wouldn’t know what to do with this thing. With the noises Karkat’s making, all you have to do is touch it.

It’s really clingy, sticking to your fingers and sliding between them with with amazing ease. You use the thumb of your free hand to brush over the entrance of his nook. Karkat sucks in a sharp gasp. He’s really sensitive everywhere. He shifts his hips closer to you and you oblige by dipping a finger in. He’s also quite _wet_  everywhere.

You run your tongue over the tentacle tangled in your fingers and he shudders. It tastes, well, not much different than you figured it would. It does have an odd sort of sweetish taste but you have no idea why. You draw your hand up and it follows, pulling his bulge up straight enough for you to draw your tongue along it. This is not going to work how you thought it would. You, fortunately, are blessed with the ability to make things work.

You do this by running your tongue along his nook. His response is to throw his hands into your hair. You glance up just to make sure that this, in fact, is a good thing. It is a very good thing. You’re met with the sight of Karkat’s exposed, blushed throat. This is probably ideal for you anyways.

His bulge squeezes with your fingers and you’re not really sure how to move them, but it doesn’t seem to matter. You know you can’t reach his sweet spot with your tongue, but that doesn’t matter either. You’re not sure if a person actually _can_  be bad at this. Or you’re just really amazing at the sex.

Your piercings brush against his nook's sides firmly and you drag them around the base of his bulge where it unsheathed from his skin. He praises you with his clicks and purrs but is generally rather quiet. Duh. You weren’t expecting anything else. He pulls your head away suddenly. He’s holding enough of your hair that you don’t go bald when he does this. Okay, that needs to happen less. You’re distantly aware most of your face is covered in his red genetic fluid.

He makes a motion with both hands that would otherwise be obscene and points to himself. You don’t need to know what that means. However, you’re going to assume it’s more of a question than a beg, because you like not being punched in the face.

“are you sure?” because you won’t lie, you’re really hating your skinny jeans right now. It’s like a surprise circumcision up in them bitches. He nods carefully. You lean over the edge of your bed slightly to find a condom. Yes, of course you keep one in your sylladex as any responsible, sexually active person should, but you so weren’t planning this and you’re so not going to give Karkat a reason to think you were, either.

Karkat pulls at your shirt. Fortunately, you find a rubber before he rips your shirt off. You sit up, incredibly disappointed to find that you’re shirt is ruined anyways with a very large red stain on the front. You’ll be disappointed later. You toss it aside and place the wrapper between your lips while you fumble with your pants. Karkat’s staring at your chest, and more specifically, probably the freckles there.

You feel like a fucking virgin suddenly, trying to get the fucking wrapper open with Karkat watching you and your dick just chilling out.

“fuck” Which way does this thing fucking go? “fuck”

Karkat makes a fist and draws it out sides then points to his wrist[‘Any time.’]. He’s one to complain. You manage to fix things, because that’s what cool people do. You roll the damn thing on properly and hoist Karkat’s hips on your thighs. He fidgets slightly when you press the head of your rigid cock against his nook. You’re probably going to be red for weeks.

You give a testing thrust and Karkat’s head jerks back. Cool levels back to normal. You run your fingers down his hips and lean into his throat to nip at his pulse. The temperature is entirely different, but not unpleasant. You kind of like it, in fact. His throat vibrates with his chittering and you gladly press your tongue against his adam's apple. You rock your hips up and he sucks in another sharp breath. He grasps your shoulders tightly, immediately digging in with his nails.

“karkat,” you murmur a distant caution. He loosens his grip slightly so his nails rack your back in a pleasant fashion instead of threatening to rip patches of your skin off. Now there’s absolutely no way you can move your cock like his tentacle thing and you’re not even going to try. Instead, you grind against him, pressing deep into his clenching nook. His chittering is a fantastic scale of how you’re doing.

It’s actually not all that different, you know, if women had tentacles instead of clitori. You twist your fingers in his bulge, the tip curling around your fingers all on its own. His nook tightens suddenly and you can feel the tremor that rattles his body that precede his orgasm. You slid your hands down to the crooks of his knees, drawing out a few more thrusts and enticing your own climax.

You suck your lip between your teeth, ignoring the slight pain from your new nick there, and coast through your pleasure with quiet moans. Karkat’s red face is really pretty. You promise yourself to spit rhymes about it later.

There’s red stuff just everywhere. Holy shit and it’s still coming. _He’s_  still coming. Fuck. Forget sheets, you’re going to need a new fucking mattress. Fuck. How could you forget about _that_? Well it’s too late now. If you had been thinking of someway to explain this later, which you weren’t, you would have been completely out of luck.

You unhook Karkat’s thighs from around your waist, only managing to find your dick again upon backing away. Your jeans are completely coated. Everything’s ruined. All of the things. You pull off the condom, tying it off and tossing it in the bin, not that it actually matters at this point. Perhaps you _should_  have planned at least a little. You work out of your skinny jeans and leave them on the floor.

It doesn’t help much, but you wipe away some of the excess genetic fluid with your newly ruined shirt. Karkat shivers and kicks you away. That might have been your rib cracking. You lay down next to him.

“uh are you going to be alright??” you ask. You did not learn about this part in health class. Karkat nods albeit shakily. He presses his body into you a bit before taking your arm and guiding you back toward his bulge and nook. You gladly obliged him, allowing his bulge to tangle around your wrist and gently stroking his nook with your index and middle finger. It doesn’t really feel that sexual, and you don’t think it is for him.

Karkat purrs faintly, his head resting just shy of your shoulder. Soon he’s nodding off. That’s not a bad idea, you decide, and follow lead.

You wake up before you realise you’ve fallen asleep. It’s morning already. You nearly make the mistake of rubbing your face with you hand. Either hand would be a mistake. You wipe them on a clean area of your sheet first, then rub your eyes with your forearm, partially hiding your eyes while you reach for your shades with your free hand.

Your bed’s empty. You glance around, but Karkat’s not in the room. Dirk’s sleeping in his bed on the other side of the room with no sign of his boyfriend, either. They’ve left wet clothes all over the floor meaning they’re in slightly better condition than you. You wipe as much of the red stuff off of you before pulling on a pair of boxers and wandering out of your room.

Karkat and Jake are awkwardly having cereal at the island that separates the kitchen from the living room. No sign of Bros. You join them, filling a mug with sugary breakfast food and, holy shit, actual milk.

“Morning dave,” Jake greets you politely.

“yo” you answer. Karkat doesn’t talk to you. Neither of you are really morning people. This isn’t unusual. Ahh fuck, there’s still school today. “know where my bro is?”

“Ah i think he’s in the room with ma,” Jake informs you helpfully. You hold a hand out to him sharply.

“don’t don’t call him that”

“Sorry chap. He told me to,” he murmurs. You wave your hand at him pointedly. It’s too early for this shit. You uncaptchalogue your phone from your sylladex and lean over the counter.

ectoBiologist [EB] has begun pestering turntechGodhead [TG]

EB: i think i might be homosexual.  
EB: dave wake up.  
EB: this is important.  
TG: unless you’ve banged someone i’m not interested  
EB: . . .  
TG: no way  
TG: tavors really??  
EB: sorta.  
TG: sorta nothing  
TG: did you or didn’t you?  
EB: remember what you said last night?  
TG: holy shit dude  
TG: a fucking plus  
TG: tavors and vriska  
TG: nailed it  
EB: you’re not helping.  
TG: there’s a problem?  
EB: dfghjk  
TG: forget prom  
TG: science fairs are where it’s at  
TG: you, dirk, jade, rose, roxy  
TG: hell  
TG: bet crocker even got some  
EB: wait.  
EB: jade and roxy?  
TG: dude seriously?  
TG: jade and nepeta totally have a thing going on  
TG: and roxy totally has the hots for fucking greaser ampora  
EB: bleh  
EB: stop  
EB: i have to go get ready  
EB: i still need to talk about this  
TG: whatever man

ectoBiologist [EB] has ceased pestering turntechGodhead [TG]

tipsyGnostalgic [TG] has begun pestering turntechGodhead [TG]

TG: oh man  
TG: this troll stuff gets EVERYWHERE  
TG: whoops  
TG: sorry dave  
TG: you’re not dirk ;3

tipsyGnostalgic [TG] has ceased pestering turntechGodhead [TG]

You captchalogue your phone again. You so don’t want to go to school today. Karkat throws his fingers out above his head[‘Shower?’].

“yeah go ahead it should be safe” you assure him and Karkat heads for the shower. You’re left with your brother’s boyfriend. You don’t think it’ll last, but you’re not stupid enough to voice this. He’s kind of nervous looking at the moment. You can’t recall him having ever stayed the night before.

“so in the rain on the roof eh?? you kinky son of a bitch” you say with a straight face. He blubbers like an idiot. It’s hilarious. You return to your room to makes heads or tails of the mess left behind. Dirk’s actually awake. You guess his creepy AR is good for something at least. He blinks at you through his shades almost smugly.

“Bro, how do you forget the bucket?”

“go hard or go home”

“It looks like you went red.”

“it looks like you went shut the fuck up”

Karkat’s sweater is pretty much the only thing that survived the onslaught. You let him borrow some of your clothes for the day. Well, they’re Dirk’s pants but whatever. You take a quick shower when he’s done and the four of you make a quick escape before your Bros wake up. Nothing’s really changed between the two of you and you prefer it this way, and you’re sure Karkat does, too.

He signs at you absently while you wait for class to start. You’re pretty sure he’s getting onto you about not being prepared last night, but he’s going pretty quick and you don’t know all of them. Gamzee’s laughing at whatever it is. John’s pissing at Rose on your other side, since you failed to be helpful even a little bit.

“uh hold on karkat” you instruct, motioning him to stay where he is. He curses at you more, but you have other things to deal with. “hey sollux!”

That wasn’t a joking statement. As soon as he turns around, you sock him square in the face. Everyone in the surrounding area go suddenly quiet and you don’t really care. You’ve been suspended before and it’s general knowledge that troll psionic doesn’t work effectively on humans. Sollux doesn’t take long to respond, momentarily appearing as though he’s actually going to fight you.

Aradia quickly approaches his side, but wisely stays out of the way. You wield your sword naturally, holding it back for quick retreat. Fortunately for everyone involved, Sollux doesn’t push it. You calms himself down, spits a bit of yellow blood to the side, and pads off with his matesprit. You captchalogue your sword again, returning to your own.

Karkat punches you in the chest. You’re really going to have to get used to that. You rub the spot with faux hurt and he signs angrily at you.

“ThErE’s A mOtHeRfUcKiNg ThAnK yOu In ThErE, pRoMiSe,” Gamzee assures you. You’re not sure about that, but that’s alright. You weren’t looking for a thank you or even to ‘defend’ Karkat or anything like that.

Some people just deserved to be punched in the face. For absolutely no reason.

You hold up your thumb, index, and pinky fingers[‘I love you.’].

Karkat points his index and middle finger to his eyes and then to you, shaking his head[‘I doubt it.’].

You point your finger into your palm and extend it[‘I’ll show you.’].

Karkat taps the inside of his fist to his forehead[‘Idiot.’].

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just real quickly; Dad Bro = BetaDirk; Ma Bro = AlphaDave; Mama Lalonde = BetaRoxy; Mother Lalonde=AlphaRose  
> i take requests and questions at godcomplexdisorder on tumblr.

**Author's Note:**

> urg i meant to exchange it out later, but whatever. dave's little rap thing is from 'No Duh' by K.Flay because i can't rap for my life. go buy her music. do it.


End file.
